Saffron
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# Posted: 16 May 2009 17:00
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My SSP ended in January/February and my employers sent me a form. I took this to the job centre who gave me a number to call. I called this number and the application was taken over the phone. It was not at this stage an in depth application, more a clarification of my first day of claiming and reason for sickness. On the grounds of this information, I was given low level ESA and sent an application form.
This application form asked questions on areas such as concentration, memory, safety, public behaviour, self harm, ability to look after ones self, ability to deal with change...and you have to answer whether they are a problem, not at all, some times, all of the time....or something like that! I don't have the link right now but there is a really good site with a kind of demo application form. You are scored on your answers and need to have a score of 15 to continue to receive the benefit. I continued to receive, so obviously did.
Then I received a letter giving me a date for a medical assessment. Interviews, appointments and change are major problems for me. I was ill with anticipation beforehand and on the morning of the interview, I got a phone call to say it had been cancelled! This threw me into a real state as I knew I had to go through all the anticipation again.
I received another appointment a month later. A month in which I was simply ill with anxiety.
Then at the appointment I went through to a doctor with my cpn. The doctor had no problem with my cpn being there. I was asked questions in general about my health and to be honest, it felt like t was going ok. I can't even remember what the questions were but I didn't feel like I was being trapped at all. My cpn spoke at times and reminded me of stuff and added some stuff in that she knew I had difficulty talking about. It seemed like it was clear I am unwell at present.
Then she told me she was going on to the next part. Here the questions felt to me like they were geared to steer me in a particular direction. They were very similar to what was asked in the application form, but in another way.
In terms of the headings above, I will try to remember what was asked.
Memory and concentration. She asked what I do as an interest. I told her nothing. She asked if I had a hobby, I told her no. She kept on at me and I felt as though I was being bullied. She said "do you watch TV?" I told her quite truthfully, "not really" and she obviously didn't believe me so she said "not at all?" so I said I would watch the occasional soap. Then she asked me how long I would watch it for and I said "I don't know....the duration I suppose"
She was still at me about this and said did I use a pc and I said I did. She asked what I did on it and I said I used online forums mostly.
Learning and completion of tasks....I can't remember.
Awareness of hazard....I was asked if I ever have any accidents or near accidents as a result of my illness. I couldn't think...I just sort of looked at her blankly and she said "Do you ever maybe cut yourself by accident?" I replied that no, I don't....I had already told her my hubs does the kitchen stuff. So she marked that down. However, I have problems with near misses on the roads due to medication and I will not leave the house unaided if I have had Diazepam because I feel so unsafe. There was no opportunity to say this.
Execution of tasks. ...She asked about the housework. I told her my hubs does the housework. She asked about cooking. I told her my hubs or mum does the cooking. But she was like a dog with a bone. She asked what I would do if I had neither my mum or hubs to cook and I had to see to my children. I answered that I would boil some pasta and throw in some pesto. So she said "so you are able to do that" Literally, that is all I can manage. So....if I can live on pesto pasta forever......I will be ok.
Initiating and sustaining personal action. I am not sure what she asked for this except maybe about my getting up and getting washed and dressed. I told her and my cpn told her I sometimes have trouble with this and my hubs has to cajole me. She also asked how long I sleep. I told her as long as I can get away with.
Coping with change. I don't remember her asking anything about this. However, on my application form, I had said I had major trouble with this. I was disappointed not to be asked as it is an area that is really problematic for me.
Getting about. She asked how I got to my appointments. I said either a lift, walk or bus. "So you have no problems with buses then?" Errr...I do and have missed appointments because a bus is busy and I can't cope with it.
Coping with social situations. Again, I don't remember her asking me anything but I am quite miffed as this is also an area where I have major problems. She did ask me if I could go shopping and I said I could go to Tesco over the road from me for bread and milk but I need hubs for a big shop.
Propriety of behaviour with other people. This was really difficult as I am deeply ashamed of some of my behaviour. My cpn said that I had been violent and she asked me details and most recent incident, which I said was about a month ago. However, I did not get to elaborate onto my acts of verbal aggression on poor unsuspecting members of the public.
Dealing with other people. I am not sure what she asked. She did ask me about hobbies and stuff and I told her I had none. She asked what I do with my time. I truthfully told her nothing. Then my blooming cpn pipes up "you go to the resource centre!" I hadn't been for over a month due to anxiety!
So.....the story stops here for the moment! I haven't heard yet, this is day eight.
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